Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
we're so committed to being not committed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
