If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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