fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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