I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
