Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
