By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
