The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
