hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
