While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
