the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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