I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
