i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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