So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
