Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think my tv is drunk
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
