This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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