we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
