can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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