I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
