i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
