So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
