I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you will always have a special place in my vag
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
