Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
