I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
