Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
