Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
