Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
