The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
