I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
this is an emotional support booty call
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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