trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
