she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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