I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
