I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
