He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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