While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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