But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
