He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
