When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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