I'm really into asian looking animals
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
