I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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