dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
