I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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