she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
