Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
