I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
