my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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