where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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