I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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