yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
