He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
