You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
