Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
