this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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