yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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