i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
